Overcoming disappointment

I've spent the last two weeks fully immersed in an Olympics bubble, and despite the fact I'll be glad to sleep at a normal time again, it will leave me feeling bereft when it finally ends, which it will have by the time I post this blog.

There's been some amazing performances and jaw dropping stories of what the athletes have been through on their journey to Tokyo.  The lucky few have realised a lifetime's dream and experienced a high like nothing else.

Sadly, the other side of the story is those athletes who are left battered, bruised and disappointed, their Olympics dream in tatters.   

It got me thinking about disappointment, we've all been there but when things go wrong in full view of the eyes of the world, that's a whole new level of disappointment to contend with.  At the Olympics you have varying degrees of disappointment, there's those athletes who are disappointed with Silver and Bronze, because in their eyes only Gold was good enough (jeez I'd love to be disappointed with Silver or Bronze!), there's athletes who are disappointed because they got injured and there's athletes who are disappointed because they felt they were in great shape but didn't perform as expected.

I can't even begin to comprehend what the disappointment of an Olympic athlete feels like, but despite the fact that the majority of us who do sport are nowhere near that level, we still make sacrifices, such as missing nights out with family and friends, not eating whatever we want, when we want, in order to try and achieve our personal goals. So when things don't quite go to plan, it's still very disappointing.  

In the lead up to running the Manchester marathon a number of years ago, I was in the form of my life and felt like I could smash my marathon PB.  I'd spent the previous 4 months training hard throughout winter and was hoping for a cool spring day, but on the morning of the marathon as me and Mr Bob drove over Woodhead Pass, it was 3 degrees and snowing.  By the time we reached Manchester the weather was horrendous, torrential rain and hailstones.  It never stopped throughout the whole of the race and my hands were so cold that I couldn't even open the zip on my pocket to take out my energy gels.  Instead of feeling the usual elation when crossing the line, I felt numb with cold and disappointment.  I was even more disappointed when I realised that despite the conditions, I'd missed my PB by only 4 minutes so I was obviously in great shape.  However, once I'd reflected back on the situation, I was satisfied that I'd done my best, given my all, and there wasn't much else I could have done.  I'd done everything right during my training and the weather on the day was something out of my control so I had to take some consolation from that.  

But as I said earlier, there's many levels of disappointment and there are, without doubt, some instances where you have to question yourself.  There's been many occasions during my life when I've been disappointed but quite honestly, I deserved everything I got (or didn't get) because I didn't work hard enough in the first place.

How to overcome disappointment

• Acknowledge how you are feeling - first of all, it's absolutely 100% ok to feel disappointed.

• Try not to judge yourself or others in the heat of the moment. Give yourself the space and time to take in the feelings of disappointment. 

• Remember that disappointment is temporary; those initial feelings of upset, anger, frustration will fade over time and you'll be able to put some perspective on it.

• Once you've calmed down, it's time to move onto the next stage and reflect back on the situation:

• What actually happened?  
• What went wrong?
• What should have happened?  
• Why are you disappointed?  
• Do you feel like you let yourself or others down?  
• Do you feel like other people or circumstances let you down?
• What were your expectations for yourself / others?
• What can you learn from the experience?
• What can you learn from yourself / others?
• What would you change for next time?
• What additional skills / knowledge / tools do you need for next time?

Disappointments will happen throughout life but how you respond to disappointment is a really important part of being able to move on.

I'll leave you with some final thoughts - first of all, ALWAYS look to yourself first, what could YOU have done better.  If you can say, hand on heart, that you've done everything you could then you have to be pleased with that.  Sometimes things go your way and other times, it's just not meant to be, but always do your best and give 100%, you owe it to yourself.

#2021