Communication skills and finding the right balance

Ah yes, that age old topic of communication skills, don't we love to bang on about this subject.  We're criticised of under-communicating, over-communicating, being too positive, being too negative, not enough detail, too much detail, talking too much, not talking enough blah blah blah.

It is however, hugely important to us as humans to be able to communicate effectively and we all have little traits or gestures that can be interpreted in the wrong way so we need to be aware of how we communicate.

So what are the basics we need to be aware of:

Voice

Our voices are unique to us so we can't change them as such but we can change the pace, tone and volume of how we speak.  In this day and age, things move so quickly and we all want to get our point across that most of us speak way too fast.  So first of all, let's slow down a bit.  The tone of our voice matters too, it can show 'coldness' towards someone or it can show 'warmth and empathy' - read your audience accordingly before you speak.  Volume is another tricky one to change but if people are always asking you to repeat something then you may want to think about turning up the volume on yourself.  Likewise, if people tend to step back from you from you speak, then turn it down!  Doing my fitness videos has made me much more aware of how I speak and although it's not pleasant to listen to yourself, it's a valuable exercise.  If you're brave enough to give it a go, then record yourself so you can hear what you sound like and make any necessary adjustments.

Body language 

Our body language is really difficult for ourselves to judge but as with our voice, it's really helpful to record yourself.  Once again, my fitness videos and being on lots of Zoom calls at work has made me much more aware of my body language and little quirks.  I fidget too much, I adjust my glasses and my clothes and push my hair back - be aware that things like this can be very distracting for other people.  At the same time, we don't want to sit there like zombies on a Zoom call so aim for a happy medium!  Move around, be yourself, but don't fidget so much that it's annoying for other people.

Language

This is an area where you can unconsciously put yourself down without even realising it and I have to admit that I am 100% guilty of doing this.  For example, I constantly start emails with 'I'm sorry but' or 'apologies but', especially when I'm cancelling meetings on behalf of someone else!!  Think about what other words you could use, for instance in my situation, I could use 'unfortunately' or 'regrettably'.  Another word I overuse is 'just' - aarrgghhh!!  Once again, you're unconsciously apologising or saying that you're not good enough without even realising ... 'can I just', 'I just want to say', 'it's just that'.  It's a meaningless filler word that doesn't need to be there in this context.  Take it out and say things in a different and more meaningful way, for example, 'I'd like to add', 'can I say', 'I would suggest that'.

Be prepared to adapt

Something very important to bear in mind when communicating is that everyone is different.  Not helpful I know, but true.  You have to read your audience or ask them directly how they want to receive communication.  For example, I've worked with people who have ranged from wanting to know every tiny detail to those who have said "I don't need to know the detail, I only want to know what time I have to be there".  Bear in mind that how you like to receive communication may differ vastly from other people.  This is why unfortunately it is so difficult for companies to find the balance, they will have employees who feedback that they are given too much information, they'll have other employees who will feedback that they are never given enough information.  There are times when the minute details will matter, there are occasions when it won't matter at all.  If you have any doubts then ask, ie, 'when do you need this by', 'how would you like this to be presented', 'is this confidential or can I share it'. 

There are, of course, some rules that go without saying when it comes to communication - always be polite, respectful and treat people fairly and equally.

I hope I've given you a few things to think about, because quite often like me, you won't even realise you are doing some of the things you do!!

#2021