How to take control of something you’re not in control of

"The problem is not the problem; 

the problem is your attitude towards the problem'

I absolutely love this quote which I heard recently.  It was a timely reminder of how we use any excuse other than ourselves when things don't quite go to plan.  It's also very relevant at this moment in time as we seem to be caught up in a blame culture - we blame the government, governments in other countries, the economy, economies in other countries, our own companies, even our own colleagues, family and friends.  In fact, anyone or anything in our firing line, rather than taking control and being accountable for ourselves.

When we feel we are not in control of a situation, we tend to lash out at others.  It's perfectly normal; it's a self-protection mechanism within us all.  When we don't feel in control, it's often because we're scared and feel vulnerable.  So what can we do to change our attitude and take control of something we don't feel in control of?

It starts with having an open mind:

• Expecting one thing and receiving the opposite can be surprising, difficult, shocking, upsetting so try to expect the unexpected and be ready for anything.
• Don't limit yourself to your own views, be receptive to other ways of thinking.
• Listen without judgement, which doesn't then mean agreeing with everything, it simply means showing some empathy and putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
• We would never continue to evolve if we all thought exactly the same so accept that it's ok to be different, not everyone is going to think like you and that's a good thing.
• Take a look at some of the truly inspiring stories of everyday people right now.  There's people out there who have overcome some incredible challenges recently, but by throwing themselves into new situations they've come out the other side and are an example to all of us in what can be achieved by having an open mind.

We have the opportunity to practise having an open mind every day.  For example, watch the news because there's bound to be something on there right now that you have your own view on.  Then try looking at that news item from a different perspective.  Why do you think that situation has happened?  Why do you think that person believes what they are saying?  You can still have your own opinion and disagree with what is happening but you can certainly learn to appreciate things from a different angle.

Having an open mind often involves the additional challenge of change and that can be scary to confront.

The challenge of change:

• If you are able to, and feel or know there is a change on the horizon, arm yourself with all the facts and write down the pros and cons.  For example, your job role at work might be changing due to a restructure; you may need to downsize due an impending change in your home circumstances.
• Call on your network of family, friends and colleagues and ask for support.
• Throw yourself into the situation and take immediate action.
• Support others by being a problem solver not a problem creator.
• Don't dwell on the negatives of change; accept some of the associated emotions such as sadness and anger but then move on and focus on the positives such as excitement and growth.
• Act like an entrepreneur!  Entrepreneurs have to think and act quickly, they have to deal with sudden changes in order for their businesses to grow and survive.  Be more like an entrepreneur in your every day life.
• Celebrate every tiny achievement.

Take a look back at the quote at the start of this blog.  No matter how much you feel you are not in control of a situation, you can still change your attitude to the situation.  No one can ever control your mind; only you have the power to control that.

#2020