Gaining strength from setbacks

Conquering the challenges life throws at you and gaining strength from setbacks

Towards the end of 2017 I started looking for a new job and, incredibly, I only had two interviews, one of which turned into my current job.  However, the two experiences couldn't have been any more different.

The first interview started well, I had numerous 'tests' to do such as spelling and giving examples of how I'd react in certain situations.  I passed all these with flying colours apparently so I then went on to have the formal part of the interview.  I was answering everything that was thrown at me but I noticed that my interviewers kept coming back to the fact that I'd spent almost 14 years in  the same job in the public sector and were saying how different and fast paced it was in the private sector.  I knew this, I had always worked in the private sector previously and told them as such.  In the end I felt I was trying to justify my situation rather then get across the fact that I could do the job!  To cut a long story short, I obviously didn't get the job but when I asked them for feedback they said "we thought you were brilliant, you interviewed really well but we don't think you'll be able to transition quickly enough from working in the public sector to private".  Whaaattt!!

At the time, receiving that feedback really knocked my confidence because I then started to doubt myself.  Would other potential employers feel like that?  Was I too old and slow to work in the private sector again?  Was I too set in my ways and not able to change?  What if everyone else pigeon-holed me and wrote me off? I was understandably nervous when I went for the second interview a few weeks later.

This time however, the interview was completely different, my interviewers seemed genuinely interested in how much experience I'd gained over the years and what I had to offer.  I explained that as a PA you have to handle a dozen things being thrown at you at once despite where you work and for whom.  They accepted this, all they wanted to know was 'could I do the job'.  I'm pleased to say they offered me the role and I'm still loving my job.  Btw, this role is in the private sector and couldn't be any busier and fast paced!!

Perhaps my own naivety let me know down in that first interview, but at the same time it's hard to take when you feel like you've been put in a box and on the shelf.

So, how do you stop the self-doubt when your confidence has been rocked and you need to gain strength from your setbacks?

1. Ask yourself "What can I learn from this?"  First and foremost, you need to think about whether you could have approached things differently.  If you were going into the same situation again, what would you do different this time around?  Write down all the things that could possibly happen and then write down how you would deal with them.
2. Never apologise for being yourself.  As difficult as it is, don't take things too personally and remember this little gem, "what someone thinks of you is nothing to do with you and everything to do with them".  Read it again, think about it and take it in.  In other words, you are not responsible for what someone else thinks about you.
3. Change your beliefs because all beliefs are choices and choices can be changed.  In the first scenario above, I believed that everyone else would write me off.  I chose to believe that but it wasn't actually true.
4. Keep moving forward.  Although it's important to learn from our setbacks, it's also extremely important to know when to draw a line in the sand and move forward.  You know what to do in the future so close this chapter and move on.
5. Create your confidence tool box for next time.  What are the little things that make you feel more confident?  Wearing a bright red lipstick / repeating mantras such as "I've got this" / getting a pep talk from a friend?  Whatever works for you, do this the next time you're in a situation where you think it could be a little uncomfortable.

#2020