How to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable

Uncomfortable; awkward; embarrassed; shy

These are just some of the words I feel when I'm trying to speak French.

As you know from a previous blog, one of my goals for 2019 is to take my French to the next level.  Each time I visit France I tell myself to be brave, just go for it and that everything will be ok and every time I panic, stumble over my words and end up feeling like a complete and utter idiot.

This weekend, the lovely Mr Bob and myself have been in Lille and I can't tell you what was different this time but there was a new found air of confidence within me.  I was absolutely determined not to panic the minute someone spoke back to me in French, or English for that matter as quite often there are French people who want to practice their English just as much as you want to practice your French.

Zaz concert - c'etait magnifique!!

We arrived at the hotel and throughout the check-in process I spoke completely in French, and, even though at one point the receptionist spoke in English, I continued to speak in French.  That evening we went for a meal and then to a concert and on both occasions I spoke French.  I soon began to realise that the more I spoke French to people, the more confident I was starting to feel.  It wasn't perfect by any means and there were a couple of occasions afterwards when I recognised that I'd used the wrong tense.  Did the person I was speaking to look at me in disgust and roll their eyes?  No, of course they didn't, they still understood me and were very appreciative of my efforts.

La grande place, Lille:

Throughout the whole weekend I didn't speak one word of English (well, obviously I did with Mr Bob although to be honest I try to avoid having a conversation with him - joking!) and every single person in the restaurants and shops complemented me on my French.  The piece de resistance however came when I was in the Longchamps shop (it had to be done and it was like a force of nature pulling me in).  I asked to look at a bag and the assistant asked me where I was from and that I had a very good accent.  We went on to have a 10 minute full-on chat in French and it was like a defining moment of all my hard work coming together.  I felt so proud of myself.

Le petit dejeuner French style.  That's not Paul by the way, that's Monsieur Bob!

The message in this little story is don't be afraid of feeling stupid when you're learning something new or doing something out of your comfort zone because it's only you that's putting pressure on yourself.  I'm someone who's always been afraid of failing and looking stupid which is ridiculous because that's the only way you're ever going to learn and progress.  2018 was an incredibly challenging year for me with changing my day job and also making changes in both my fitness business and home life.  However, these challenges pushed me out of my comfort zone and you know what ... it seems I can cope with difficult situations.

Top tips for how to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable:

1. Practice, practice, practice.  Remember as a child when you kept falling off your bike but yet you picked yourself up and tried again and again and again.  We seem to think that as adults we should be able to do something once and be instantly good at it!
2. Fake it 'til you make it.  Stand tall, shoulders back, speak confidently and clearly and make eye contact with the person you are talking to.   I've also found that wearing clothes you feel confident in helps too.
3. Laugh about your mistakes.  It really isn't the end of the world to make a genuine mistake, it's how we learn and progress.  Yes, we might feel stupid for a while but you have to develop the ability to laugh about the situation.  For example, "faire un baiser" is the term used in French when exchanging kisses on the cheek.  However, it means something completely different when used in another context!!
4. Recognise your improvements, no matter how small.  It's perfectly normal to feel like you're not making progress but when you're in the thick of learning you often don't realise how far you've come.  I was feeling nervous about our trip to Lille as I felt like I'd not practised as much as I should have recently.  However, I surprised myself when I started speaking French and realised that I had progressed quite a lot since our last visit in December.
5. NEVER give up!  This is something you want to do ... right?  Then don't give up, you'll get there.  We live in a 24/7 society where we expect everything immediately.  Take a step back, chill and take your time.

#makeithappenmarch